I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
