I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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