Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
