he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
