im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
