Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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