My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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