i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize