im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
