I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
