I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there's paper in my vomit.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
