it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
