i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize