Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
