I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
