It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
this hospital has no fireball
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
