I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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