ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
