i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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