i think my tv is drunk
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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