i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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