Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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