She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
