Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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