her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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