What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
