remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
