You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
