i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
