After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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