Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
