My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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