Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is wine microwaveable?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
