I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
