by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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