Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
