so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is classic penis vs brain.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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