I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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