Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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