I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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