i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
