Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
