So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
