You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
