My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
