I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
