once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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