Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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