My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can I color on your dick again?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
