I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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