I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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