He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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