i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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