considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
