i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
