Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
