i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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