OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
