then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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