I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
