I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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