My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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