this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
