Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
