We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
