They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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