Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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