so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
