he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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