just tell him i said nine months
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
