I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
